Marriage and Money: The Talk That Might Save Your Relationship

There is much debate about the claim that half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce. Even if that statistic were half wrong, that would mean that one in four couples would divorce. Money problems remain among the top reasons for divorce in America. A couple’s financial compatibility and money goals will have a profound effect on their marriage. Whether you are planning your wedding or have already tied the knot, it is time to have a heart to heart about your financial game plan. I have compiled the advice of a few popular financial experts to jumpstart the money talk with your sweetie.

The Dave Ramsey Plan: Dave Ramsey, author, radio host, and television personality is well known for his disdain of debt. He has a particular distaste for credit cards. The official Dave Ramsey website notes that people spend more when they use credit cards, and according to the American Bankers’ Association, the average family today carries $8,000 in credit card debt. Dave is no fan of the FICO score, which he calls the “I love debt score.” While Dave would like for everyone to pay cash for a home purchase, he recognizes that not everyone is willing to wait that long. According to Dave, homebuyers should save a down payment of 20% or more, choose a 15-year (or less) fixed-rate mortgage, and limit their monthly payment to 25% or less of their monthly take-home pay. Dave also encourages people to invest 15% of household income into Roth IRAs and pre-tax retirement. For more information on Dave’s financial “baby steps”, including emergency fund savings and college savings, visit Dave’s website or check out his advice on Oprah.com.

Snapshot: Avoid all forms of debt, choose Roth IRA for retirement savings, pursue a zero FICO score, and pay off home mortgage as fast as possible.

The Suze Orman Plan: Suze Orman, nationally acclaimed money expert, author, and television personality, is all about people taking charge of their financial life. Suze recently announced that she has changed her advice with regard to credit cards. With the rise in unemployment, she says to only pay the minimum due on your credit card balance and instead make it your top priority to build as much of an emergency cash fund as you can. According to Suze, homebuyers should strive for a 20% down payment. If that is not possible, they should roll the cost of private mortgage insurance (PMI) into their primary mortgage rather than pay it as a separate cost and instead of getting a piggyback loan. For retirement savings, Suze recommends contributing to your 401(k) up to the company match and then contributing additional retirement savings to a Roth IRA. For more information, visit Suze’s website or check out her advice on Oprah.com.

Snapshot: Only use good debt (i.e. education, mortgage), choose 401(k) and Roth IRA combo for retirement savings, pursue a high FICO score, and pay off home mortgage as fast as possible.

The Robert Kiyosaki Plan: Robert Kiyosaki, motivational speaker, businessman, and author, encourages people to turn debt into an asset. He loves credit cards for their convenience. Robert has been known to say a house is a liability rather than an asset. He is a big advocate of using real estate to increase wealth. In the top selling Rich Dad Poor Dad, Robert outlined a plan of investing in real estate for cash flow and selling properties for a profit. When it comes to retirement savings, Robert bucks conventional wisdom. He refers to the 401(k) as the “biggest scam ever.” For more information, visit Robert’s website or check out his column on Yahoo Finance.

Snapshot: Use debt as an investment tool, avoid 401(k) and opt for business and real estate investing for retirement savings, keep a high FICO score, and do not rush to pay off home mortgage.

Clearly a union among any of these experts would result in a financial marriage from hell. Give your relationship a fighting chance by discussing your money beliefs and goals. Otherwise, you might be setting yourselves up for a “Suze smack down.”

Help! I need a $2 favor.

Dear Manic Bride:

I have 100 guests and a $200 budget for wedding favors. I don't want something tacky that does not reflect my personal style. Is it possible to make or buy elegant favors that will not cost a fortune?

The short answer: Yes. Wedding favors can be deceivingly expensive, but they certainly don't have to be. Here is just one example of a low cost favor that will make you look great without busting your budget.

The Custom Candy Bag
There are few things more delightful for your wedding guests than a sweet treat for the ride home. Add a twist with a custom label.
The Cost: Less than $2 per favor
The Plan: 1. Design your custom label on a website like My Own Labels. In many cases, you can add your names, monogram, and wedding date to these beautiful designs at a rate of $35 for 100 labels. Add $4.95 for regular shipping. The site does not appear to charge sales tax, however I will add 8.25% sales tax to keep it realistic. Let's round the cost of the labels up to $50, and we are ready to find bags.

2. My Own Labels, mentioned above, has a variety of cellophane and paper bags, but we want to keep our options open and our purses closed (okay, opened slightly). Check out a party supply store such as Oriental Trading Company. You have a variety of bags to choose from including the Cello Bag Favor with Charm at a rate of $3.99 per dozen (you will need 9 packs). You will also want to purchase either twist ties or pretty ribbon, and white or colored tissue paper for use in Step 4. This Step can be accomplished for $70. Since your guests will not be very happy if you hand them an empty, albeit beautifully decorated bag, let's go candy shopping.

3. Don't feel that you have to buy hoity-toity chocolates that you can't pronounce. Head to Walmart, Costco and the like, and buy bulk packages of Tic Tacks, miniature Snicker bars, miniature Skittles, etc. The best part is that you will be serving candy that people actually like to eat. Forty bucks ($40) should be more than enough to satisfy every sweet tooth.  Now it is time to put it all together.

4. This is a great way to spend a lunch break or get in a good gossip session with your gal pals. Place your custom label on the bag. Wrap one serving of candy in tissue paper (2 to 4 pieces depending on your candy selection and size of bag). Add wrapped candy to the bag and close with the twist tie or pretty ribbon. Voila. Class without a ton of cash.

Real Life: Here are my actual favors from my 

wedding, made with custom labels from 

My Own Labels. 

Do you have a question for The Manic Bride? Email your queries to info@manicbride.com.

Seven Things You Don’t Want to Throw Away After Your Wedding

So much planning goes into a wedding. The engagement can feel like one long marathon of meeting vendors, scouting locations, maintaining budgets, keeping friends and family happy, along with a myriad of other tasks you never even thought of. These duties can drain your energy and your bank account. After the bouquet is tossed, and the last piece of cake is eaten, you will discover another side effect of your big day. Your wedding has generated a lot of junk. Unless you are a complete pack rat, you will be tempted to take drastic measures to reclaim your closets, tables, desks and other areas of your home.

Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. There are several items that you will want to keep to tie up loose ends and to preserve your memories:

1. Contracts. The obligations of some vendors do not end on the wedding day. Your photographer is a great example. After the wedding, much of his work has just begun. The contract provides information on the prints, photo albums, copyrights, etc.

2. Written speeches and vows. Photos are not the only way to preserve your wedding day memories. Keep written speeches (i.e. Unity Candle ceremony) and personal vows for your memory book. Add them to a picture frame for an inexpensive memento.

3. Address lists. Chances are it took a lot of effort and phone calls to the parents to compile contact information for all of your family, friends, co-workers, and so on. This information can be an invaluable resource in the future. Think baby shower, housewarming, or new business venture, just to name a few instances where the address list could come in handy.

4. Body measurements. This may seem a little sadistic, but many women like to keep a mental note of their wedding day weight. What better way to remember your wedding day physique than the measurements taken for your gown?

5. Paper goods. This includes save the dates, invitations, announcements, programs, and the like. These may seem like a source of clutter the day after your wedding, but soon they will be a quick and convenient memento of your big day. Do not assume that your mother kept all of these items for you. Make sure you retain your own copies.

6. Specialty undergarments. In order to pull off that flawless look, many brides enlist a variety of techniques, such as Spanx to trim the tummy or gel bra pads to add a little extra up top. Even if these items are unnecessary or undesirable for everyday use, hold on to them. Another family wedding or cocktail party is always around the corner and you will be ready.

7. Dress. While you might not toss your dress out with yesterday’s newspaper, stuffing your gown in the back of an unventilated closet or a musty attic can cause damage. If you plan to keep your dress, research preservation services and make plans to take your dress as soon as possible. There are wedding dress preservation kits available for the do-it-yourself bride. You can also sell your dress through a consignment shop or online. Finally, you can donate your dress to an organization like Making Memories Breast Cancer Foundation, which grants final wishes to women and men suffering from terminal breast cancer.

The wedding is over, and life is slowly returning to normal. Give yourself time to sift through all the wedding day clutter to decide what is destined for the city dump and what could be a priceless memory.

Valentine’s On TV

I hope your Valentine’s Day Weekend with your sweetie was filled with romance, flowers, chocolates, and—most importantly—some great Valentine’s themed programming.

On Lifetime: lots of romantic movies including the classic Pretty Woman starring Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. What is it about this movie that makes it as sweet and endearing today as it was in 1990? Maybe it is the scene in the elevator when Edward and Vivian are on their way to the opera and Vivian tells Edward “In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” Perhaps it is the end of the movie when Edward climbs the stairs to Vivian’s apartment, grabs her in his arms, and asks her "so what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?" Mix in a couple of steamy love scenes, and even in spite of the network edits and commercial breaks, Pretty Woman was still entertaining and inspiring.

On Oxygen: a Snapped marathon. For those of you who don’t know, Snapped is a true crime series about female killers. When I am not feeling squeamish, Snapped is my guilty pleasure. I still don’t quite understand why this show is on this channel. When I think Oxygen, I think girl power. I guess Snapped is just proof that a woman can do anything a man can do, be it run a Fortune 500 company or kill your husband to collect his insurance policy in order to start your life with your lover.

On WE tv: marathons of Platinum Weddings, Rich Bride Poor Bride, and Bridezilla. I thought that after my wedding, I would no longer watch these shows. That could not be further from the truth. I watch and think “was I as bad as her?” or “one week after her wedding she won’t care about that one missing centerpiece.” These shows, while great fun, beg the question—is Bridezilla real or an industry myth (to be continued…)?

We're In the System

Ever since we hit the 30-day mark my fiance "Super" has been bugging me to go get our marriage license. Not that I was not interested. It just never seemed a good time to leave my office to make that trip to the county. It didn't help that I was dreading the clerk's office. I imagined long lines of tired couples and clerks who would think of us as just another number.

We were able to find a parking meter which was no small feat at that time of day. After a few minutes of confusion, we found our way to the second floor. No sooner than we signed our names on the clipboard we were being asked to come forward. We each handed over our license and gave a little personal information. No, we are not related. No, we have not been divorced from anyone in the last 30 days. No, we do not owe any back child support. A short time later our clerk, who was actually very pleasant, returned with our license. It was all official looking and Super and I could not help but get a little giddy. Everything was real now. I respectfully disagree with anyone who says that marriage is just a piece of paper. That paper is gorgeous.

We left the building hand in hand with our marriage license tucked away safely. Now let's just hope we don't lose it before it can get to the best man.

Tip: The marriage license laws vary from state to state. Educate yourself on the requirements for obtaining the license, when you should apply for the license, and the waiting period required between obtaining the license and the actual marriage ceremony.
Click Here to Check Out Your State Rules

Happily Ever After

My fiance "Super" and I went to the wedding site to finalize our plans. A wedding ceremony had ended just moments before we arrived. There were guests making their way through the garden that separated the chapel from the reception hall. We hurried into the office hopeful that no one had seen us in our wrinkled t-shirts and flip flops.

We met with our coordinator but it was hard to concentrate. Sure we confirmed our floor plan and paid our last bill, but the idea that a couple had just joined their lives together was a beautiful distraction. We were discussing our reception schedule, when we saw them. The bride and groom walked out of the chapel, there wedding party behind them. The groom stole a kiss from his bride. She looked so happy and peaceful. In that moment I know she was not thinking about the perfect shade of peach or the right day of the week to mail invitations. She had her man and she had her day, and from where I was standing, it all looked pretty wonderful.

Lesson: No matter what happens, at the end of the day you get to keep Prince Charming and make a run for happily ever after.

Where's My Size 7?

The wedding is three weeks away and everyone has questions. The most common question is "are you nervous yet?" To which I confidently respond "NO." Then there is the question about if I have everything ready. Up until a few days ago my response was the same. "I have all the big stuff out of the way, just a few loose ends to tie up." It's true. At this stage of the game, we have the photographer, the DJ and the caterer. The venue is booked, the bridal party is hanging in there, and our families are as ready as we are. The big stuff is under control. It was a "little" shoe issue that nearly sent me over the edge.

I ordered my bridesmaid shoes online from a well-known retailer. I considered myself lucky to find an affordable shoe in all the right sizes for my girls. I went to the same website intent on buying a few things for my honeymoon when I noticed that the delivery date for my shoes had changed. Instead of getting the order two weeks before my wedding, I was scheduled to receive them one week after. I called the retailer immediately. When they confirmed that this new date was not a mistake, I asked the representative to cancel the order. She put me on hold during which time I hopped on the Internet in search of another shoe. She returned to tell me that she cancelled one pair of shoes. There was a whole convoluted story as to why she could not cancel the other nine, however I would be happy to know that those shoes would arrive before my wedding. I asked her to cancel the cancellation of the one pair of shoes since they were going to arrive on time. She said that she could not do that. Then I asked her if I could re-order that one pair to which she replied that it would not arrive until after my wedding. I called and spoke with another representative and received the same response. So for the rest of the day I moaned and groaned. I spent half the night trying to think of a store that I had not already checked out to order all new shoes. There I was with every major task taken care of and the hunt for a size 7 silver pump was driving me crazy.

The next day the nine pairs of shoes shipped out. I went online and reordered the missing size 7. It too shipped out. I have the tracking numbers for all.

Lesson: Keep things in perspective. If you are faced with a hurdle while planning your wedding, fight the temptation to scream and pout. Just conquer the problem like you do every other problem in your everyday life.